lifebeyondexaggeration

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

The Terrifying Trailer April 17, 2018

Filed under: Myths and Legends — meganorussell @ 11:30 am
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I learned a thing about myself the other day.

I’m afraid of truck trailers.

I discovered this while backstage at a show. We were in a tiny venue where the semis the set travels on were pulled up to one of the quick change stations. There wasn’t a door between us and the trucks. The trailer doors were wide open and pointed right at us as we changed.

These gaping metal voids made the hairs on the back of my neck prickle, and at first I thought maybe it was just because there were shadows in the trailers that looked a little spooky. And then I realized modern media has taught me to be terrified of empty semis!

There are really only three purposes to semis:

1) You’re an evil dude ferrying illegal immigrants across the border. You’re inevitably going to leave the poor immigrants locked in the back too long, and the police are going to arrive just in time to save the smallest child while the other sixty people you have trapped like caged chickens die. (more…)

 

Pre-Zombie Preperation May 21, 2016

What is the one skill you wish you knew in case the zombie apocalypse started tomorrow? I know, I know. Zombies aren’t real (yet), but humor me. What is the one thing you’ll wish you had Googled?

Would it be how to shoot a crossbow, or better yet, how to build one of your own? Building a fire would be a really good thing to know, but I think, and I could be very naïve on this one, that most people can light a decent fire. So what about lighting a fire without matches or a lighter?

There are some things that would be beyond reasonable effort. Like gas. Gasoline does actually go bad. If you’re on your own in the cold, cruel, zombie-ridden world, you’re probably not going to be able to do all the things you would need to make more gas; that would require a new world structure. So car repair skills aren’t actually going to be helpful for long. Bike repair: that might be a great thing to know before the zombies are nipping at your heels.

Making medicine would also be amazingly useful. Like at-home penicillin, which is a real thing you can do; making your own, albeit primitive, antibiotics would be life saving. In fact, all sorts of first aid would be great things to learn before the zombies come knocking at your door. When the emergency rooms are no longer functional, you’ll have to know what to do when you get frostbite or need stitches.

Map reading would also be a super useful tool! You’re trying to bike or walk to the next town. There’s no more Siri to steer you the right way, so you have to read a regular old map. What if you need to cross the wilderness? (more…)

 

Camping with Zombies March 7, 2016

I’ve been spending a lot of time in Southwest Florida this year, and I’ve noticed something strange.

Okay, noticed is really the wrong way to say it. More like my overactive imagination and zombie obsession have come together to form a theory.

There are lots of “camping” places here where the RVs seem to have taken permanent roots. Or rather sunk into the ground. The siding has sagged and stretched until it covers the wheels. And by stretched, I mean the owners have added bottoms to hide the mobile-ness of the campers, removing the original purpose of having a home with wheels. They’ve added gardens and sheds. A porch roof that definitely wouldn’t make it down the highway. Normally, I wouldn’t care if décor had completely obliterated function, but after careful consideration, a camper would be the best form of housing in the zombie apocalypse. (more…)

 

The Bear-Pocalypse May 25, 2015

Filed under: Myths and Legends — meganorussell @ 8:30 pm
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In the theatre where I am currently working we have a real bearskin decorating the wall. I’m in Alaska, so I promise Mr. Dead Bear makes sense. As I was staring at MDB the other day, I got to wondering. What if there was a bear Zombie Apocalypse? What if all the bears in Denali suddenly became zombies and began to eat each other. Not that big bears won’t eat each other now, but what if the bears began to hunt like zombies? (more…)

 

Car Choices in the Apocalypse (Or Is a Hummer Worth It?) May 11, 2015

A few weeks ago, I saw a Hummer driving down the road. Naturally, the conversation moved to questioning the need for such a large vehicle. Does it have to do with the size of genitalia? Is it about showing off how much money you make? Cause I mean seriously, outside of the military, why would you actually need a Hummer? And then I realized why Hummers are necessary.

The Zombie Apocalypse. (more…)

 

Killer Shoes June 25, 2014

Filed under: Myths and Legends — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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I have a problem. Well, I suppose it might be more of a conundrum. What shoes would I wear in the Zombie Apocalypse? Now, I don’t mean should I wear the strappy sandals or the red pumps. I mean would I be better off in sneakers or snow boots? (more…)