What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

Got Any Wine? June 1, 2015

I love my job. I really, truly love my job. I love being in Alaska. I love getting to perform. But damn, every once in a while you want to punch a patron in the taint.

And yes, I just said taint.

A few days ago, we had a group come into the theatre while I was bartending. We have a very limited selection, but most people can find something within our means to keep them happy.

But these people wanted, nay needed, sauvignon blanc. We don’t have sauvignon blanc. Our only white wine is chardonnay.

So, I told the first man who came asking, “I’m sorry. Our only white wine is chardonnay.”

Man: “So, what wine do you have then?”

Me: “We have cabernet sauvignon—“

Man: “That’s a red.”

Me: “Yes, we have cabernet sauvignon and merlot for red, and our blush is white zinfandel.”

Man: “I’d like a savingnon blanc.”

Frustrated me: “I’m sorry sir, but we only have chardonnay .”

Man: “ So, no sauvignon blanc.”

Me thinking I might finally have gotten through to him: “No, my only white is chardonnay.”

Man: “So your only white is chardonnay. I’ll have a merlot.”

Insert facepalm.

Next man in line who has been listening to this whole freaking conversation: “Can I get a sauvignon blanc?” (more…)


The Branded BooBoo May 24, 2014

Filed under: Hi-Ho the Glamorous Life — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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For those of you who are new to my blog, welcome! For my old friends, I have a booboo. The theatre job that I am working right now requires some restaurant work as well. We serve, we sing, it’s great. I normally am a mostly competent server, and my failings can all be fixed with my winning personality and throwing a few Y’alls into the conversation.

But at this job, we have to carry out hot cobbler. (more…)


The Chip in the Ice May 17, 2014

Filed under: What Doesn't Kill You — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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There are certain things that we are all taught from a certain age. Look both ways before you cross the street. Don’t eat the yellow snow. Only take candy from strangers on Halloween. And as we go through life, we learn more specialized warnings from our peers and superiors. Black panties and white pants are bad. White t-shirts and water are bad. Better yet, just never wear white.

In the restaurant biz, one of those great lessons is never ever dip anything but metal into the ice bin. No glass, no plastic, ever. Ever, ever, ever! I personally have never committed this awful server sin because I have seen the Hell it can cause. If you dip something other than metal, you run the risk of it chipping. Then there are clear chips of death mixed in with the ice. This equals badness, cut throats, ambulances, death, and lawsuits, and who has time for that when there is a new Game of Thrones on Sunday? (more…)


How to Lose a Tip in Ten Easy Steps January 4, 2014

Filed under: Tales of Humanity's Imperfections — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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How to Lose a Tip in Ten Easy Steps –

Work at a Dinner Theatre that has a buffet – Most patrons won’t realize that they should tip their waiter for beverage service, and the rest will pretend they don’t know.

Forget every order – Delivering orders to the wrong table helps this. Let the person who ordered the Daiquiri see you give it to another table.

Be in the show – If you have to leave early to get into costume, they will develop deep seeded abandonment issues.

Let your husband spill on your table (yeah, this really happened) – Preferably something sticky that stains.

Wear a wig for intermission service – They won’t recognize you. They will ask you repeatedly to see their waiter.

Fool yourself into thinking Micros will not kill your soul – The computer system Micros will do everything possible to destroy your spirit. Accept this. You will never ring in everything right for a whole shift. The Micros demon will not let you.

Serve for a good family show – Shows that are appropriate for the whole family will never make servers money. Work a show about strippers. In fact, just become a stripper. That would be the best plan.

Refuse to give patrons things that you don’t have – You don’t have gluten free pie? Well, that’s too bad. You should give them some anyway. It is clearly your fault that gluten free pie is unavailable.

Be in the ensemble of the show – Your tables will think you are lying about being in the show and will deprive you of your hard earned tip based on the fact that you are a liar. I mean, you could be a liar. You are an actor after all, so that is your job.

I thought I had ten ways to lose a tip, but my husband informed me I had only listed nine. Maybe that’s another problem: maybe I can’t count well enough to give change.