lifebeyondexaggeration

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

Malicious Medicine April 3, 2018

Filed under: Starting Off Strange — meganorussell @ 11:30 am
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I have this strange mistrust of doctors. It’s not that I think they’re trying to wipe us all out by spreading some horrible plague. I just recognize that, like the rest of us, not all of them are good at their jobs.

It all started when I was super young. I had this tiny little plantar wart in my toe. It really wasn’t a huge deal, but you’ve got to get those things taken care of, so my mother dragged me to the pediatrician. I was promised by the nurse, the doctor, my own mother even, that it would be a quick and practically painless thing. I’d feel a little stick, my toe would go numb, and then it would be done and I could eat tons of ice cream.

I don’t know why, but for some reason my mother wasn’t in the room with me when they were numbing my toe. Maybe she was scared she’d faint… I have no clue.

Anyway, I’m lying stomach-first on this table. The doctor has the needle and is going to inject my big toe. The nurse is flirting with the doctor. I feel the needle go into my toe, but it doesn’t stop. The doctor is chatting with the nurse and just keeps pushing the needle farther in!

Naturally, I do what any child would do, and kick the doctor right in the crotch. (more…)

 

Bug Juice Bummer July 9, 2016

Remember a while back when I promised I would tell you all the stories from my time at the camp where bug juice was filmed. Sorry it took me so long. I got caught up in being green, but now we shall begin.

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         It’s not easy being green.

For those of you who didn’t have the Disney channel in the late 90’s, there was a reality show about a summer camp. It had the usual kid drama: crushes, ruined friendship, and competition for team captain. When I went to the camp the year after it was filmed, I thought those were the sorts of things I had in store. Nope. Totally wrong.

There was a fair amount of drama I had to deal with (I’ll tell you about that next time), but those bug juice kids were worse.

See, the producers manipulated the situation, as you would expect. They told the kids who to be friends with, who to dance, even what personality traits they should show off. I mean, sure, you expect that kind of thing from reality TV, but these were kids. Super impressionable, hormonal teenagers. So when they showed up to camp the next year expecting to see their friends or frienemies, they ended up meeting completely different people, and chaos ensued.

I think the saddest was the boy who thought he was going to see his camp girlfriend again. (more…)

 

Live Fiercely April 13, 2016

Filed under: Tales of Humanity's Imperfections — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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I’m not perfect. I know it. I have an Irish temper and Polish determination. I’m not afraid of fighting for the people I care about and for what I believe in. And that makes some people mad.

Some people would rather live with a lie their whole lives than take an honest look in the mirror. Rather have a half-relationship with someone than risk a little pain to know someone all the way.

It’s tragic. Really horribly tragic. To be more attached to your entirely false sense of security than to the people around you.

Sweep things under the rug long enough, and you’re just going to trip over them.

I have a wonderful husband and family. I have friends who have become family, and faraway places that have become home. And do you know what knowing that many different people teaches you? That you can’t ignore truths. You can’t pretend there is no crack in the wall. That’s how the demons get in.

What does all this have to do with anything?

Live fiercely. Get messy. Love someone too hard. Dance in the spotlight, run through the rain. Hug a person you love and love them warts and all.

And if someone isn’t willing to love the honest you, walk away. Life is too short for pretense.

Find a story that is beyond exaggeration, and make it your own.

 

A Scandalous Snuggle April 11, 2016

My husband and I moved in together senior year of college. It was awesome. Not only did he feed me, he also satisfied my snuggle addiction.

I’m a heat seeking missile when I sleep. If there is warmth in the bed, I will find it. I will cuddle you and steal all your body heat whether you like it or not. I am so notorious for this fact that growing up, I always got my own bed when we were all packed into hotel rooms. No one wanted to wake up with me on their head.

Luckily, the husband creates an excess of body heat, so he doesn’t mind my frozen little tooshy cuddling up to him in the middle of the night. In fact, he got so used to sleeping with my demanding little spoon, it became a bit on an issue.

Fall semester senior year, my husband had to do weekend-long mini tour of a show. The university decided to save money by putting four to a room, two to a bed. No big deal really. At least so my then fiancé thought as he fell asleep next to a freshman boy. (more…)

 

A Scandaless Scandal April 9, 2016

The husband and I moved in together our senior year of college. I know. We were very scandalous. But campus housing was super expensive, and we were super poor. I tried being an RA, but my boss got arrested by the FBI. I didn’t fancy doing that for another year, so off campus housing was our best bet. We found a friend who wanted to share a two bedroom apartment with us, and off we went. Into the drug den.

Well, it wasn’t a drug den anymore. That’s why we got such a great deal on the place. They had kicked all the tenants out to start fresh with non crack-dealing residents, and we were the first ones to sign up. There were a few lingering effects of the old crowd. And a few of the less savory types managed to get back in. But all in all, it wasn’t really a bad apartment.

Just me, the future husband, and our female roomie. The problem was we went to a conservative school and faster than the toilets getting clogged on weigh-in day, rumors went around that I had moved in with the person I was dating. I didn’t really care that people knew. I mean, the only reason it was strange was that we weren’t hiding the fact that we were living together while everyone else tried to be sneaky about shacking up with their boyfriends. But then they found out I was living with another female dancer. For two days, I didn’t realize why the girls were whispering about me extra emphatically and the straight boys were bring super nice. Until someone kindly told me they were so happy that I was out as a lesbian. (more…)

 

A Rehashing of the Teddy Trial March 21, 2016

Filed under: Starting Off Strange — meganorussell @ 8:30 pm
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A long time ago my sister gave my beloved stuffed puppy a swirly. I thought the matter was over and done with. In fact, I even wrote a blog about it. But it seems the matter is far from over.

The way I remember it my sister gave my stuffed puppy a swirly. After a lot of crying, I decided to take revenge. And not just any revenge. A horrible revenge that can only be executed by the likes of a little sister.

My sister had a teddy bear that she loved very much. Since my big sister had hurt my puppy, I would take revenge on Teddy. While my mother was Lysoling the toilet germs out of puppy, I found my sister’s teddy, fastened a very impressive noose for a child, and hung Teddy over my sister’s bed with a note that read something along the lines of —

You smell. I cannot take living with your awful stink anymore. Goodbye cruel world. (more…)

 

A Mewing in the Night March 12, 2016

I want a kitten. I know I’ve said it a million times before, but damn I want a kitten. I want a kitten who will run up and greet me when I come home, snuggle with me when content edits become too much, and do funny things that will provide blog material for years to come.

Every time I get to the part where I want my cat to run up and greet me, I always get confused stares and, “I think you mean you want a dog. Dogs run up to greet you.”

But I had three cats when I was growing up. Three amazing cats we bottle-fed as kittens. They were indoor/outdoor cats, and when they heard the distinctive rattle of my mother’s car, they would come running to the driveway, weave in and of our legs as we tried to get to the door, and stare at us until we either sat down to cuddle them or fed them.

They would come when we called them, and always wanted attention. They were the best cats ever. And I know finding a cat as loving and amazing as those three were would be neigh on impossible. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting to try.

I’ve been known to ugly cry over cute kittens. Open-mouth ugly cry over Facebook videos of kittens.

But I think I hit a new low a few nights ago. (more…)