lifebeyondexaggeration

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

The Dastardly Dragon March 27, 2018

My fear of seeing films based on books started several years ago with the horrible movie adaptation of Eragon.

I love the book series. Not just because Christopher Paolini was incredibly young to have been published on such a huge scale. The books are really great. Coming of age stories get me right in the heart, dragons are awesome, and epic adventures bring me joy.

When I heard there was going to be a movie, I was the happiest. I wanted to see Saphira fly. I wanted to meet Roran. I was stoked.

My husband is an Eragon fan too, so we were sitting in our theatre seats like kids on their way to Disney World. This was going to be the best movie series since Harry Potter. There was a couple sitting next to us, and they asked us what the movie was about—they didn’t know anything about the books—and we gave them a spoiler-free rendition of how their lives were about to be changed.

The movie started, the egg was discovered, Saphira flew into the air and in a flash of light became a full grown dragon. Gone was the coming of age story I had grown to love, and it was all downhill from there. What followed was a bunch of poorly strewn together plot line with sketchy CGI.

The husband leaned over to the couple we’d met and whispered our apologies. (more…)

 

Kaiser Permanente for the Epic Fail September 20, 2016

I need to vent for a second. I have Kaiser Permanente health insurance. I pay every month for my freakin’ Kaiser Permanente insurance. Lots of dollar for this damned insurance!

All I needed was refills on some nose spray and my inhaler. Both prescriptions I have had mailed to me out of state while traveling for shows before. First, the doctor sent the refills to the local pharmacy instead of the online app. Fine, a mistake anyone could make if they didn’t read my email to them closely enough. So, I have to call in to the phone line and ask to have them mailed.

Then they tell me that they changed the policy and can no longer mail out of state…cause this wouldn’t have been an important thing to know a few weeks ago? I registered for this insurance specifically because they would mail prescriptions out of state! Gah!

So then they tell me – and this is after talking to seven people, two of whom transferred me to get rid of me, and keep in mind I was on the phone for more than an hour – that I can have my prescription sent to any Walmart. I’ll pay out of pocket, but they’ll reimburse me.

Thank God I have learned enough not to trust anyone at their word when hundreds of dollars are on the line. (more…)

 

Botching the Biking July 23, 2016

I’m not the best at riding a bike. I mean, I can do it. On a level, concrete surface that doesn’t twist or turn too much. And doesn’t have too many people around. And if my backpack has even weight distribution.

Basically, I suck.

I didn’t learn to ride a bike as young as most kids do. Between my mom working crazy hours and my dad’s super bad knees, there just wasn’t anyone who could spend hours in a parking lot trying to get me to peddle. There was a guy who lived down the road who was willing to teach me.

He had been in a bad accident and didn’t have much use of one side of his body, but he could ride a bike like a fiend. I figured if he could ride with one good leg, surely I could do it with two! He had me meet him in the fire department parking lot and told me to wear overalls. I didn’t really know why, but I was so desperate to learn I figured it was best not to ask questions. (more…)

 

It’s Curtains for You! April 25, 2016

Hello everyone! It’s Chris here again. I am happy to get to introduce a new segment on lifebeyondexaggeration. Being in theatre, Megan and I hear about and experience a lot of great/terrible/hilarious happenings onstage and off. So Megan has decided it’s time to keep a record of the raucous mischief the theatre gods reap. And we’ll kick it off with “It’s Curtains for You!”

Megan and I are currently doing a production of Funny Girl in Florida. It’s great! The cast is lovely, our Fanny Brice is excellent, and we’re getting to live in Florida! Always a good time.

Despite the occasional bird or two dropping down on the stage, it’s been a fairly smooth run. That is until the day the curtain decided not to open.

You see, there’s this number in the show called “Rat-tat.” It’s a tap dance number full of comedy and Americana. A real crowd-pleaser! My character, Eddy Ryan, begins the number as a rehearsal. I tap dance and sing center stage with two lovely ladies behind me. They help me put on my costume, give me my wooden rifle (for some sensible twirling), and then leave the stage. I finish my solo part of the song and then the curtains open to reveal the ensemble… usually. (more…)

 

A Scandalous Snuggle April 11, 2016

My husband and I moved in together senior year of college. It was awesome. Not only did he feed me, he also satisfied my snuggle addiction.

I’m a heat seeking missile when I sleep. If there is warmth in the bed, I will find it. I will cuddle you and steal all your body heat whether you like it or not. I am so notorious for this fact that growing up, I always got my own bed when we were all packed into hotel rooms. No one wanted to wake up with me on their head.

Luckily, the husband creates an excess of body heat, so he doesn’t mind my frozen little tooshy cuddling up to him in the middle of the night. In fact, he got so used to sleeping with my demanding little spoon, it became a bit on an issue.

Fall semester senior year, my husband had to do weekend-long mini tour of a show. The university decided to save money by putting four to a room, two to a bed. No big deal really. At least so my then fiancé thought as he fell asleep next to a freshman boy. (more…)

 

Dino Dud October 28, 2015

So there’s this really pretty girl in my cast. And I mean really pretty in a good way that sometimes draws strange attention. Like the time she was in a grocery store and a random guy decided to hit on her with an opening line along the lines of, “I’m a dinosaur CEO.”

I’m sorry, what?

So she talked to him, and afterward he asked her to come to his van to pick up some dinosaur tickets, which obviously she didn’t do alone with the stranger since she’s a reasonable thinking human being. But in the end she had a handful of tickets to the Dinosaur Expo.

It was going to be a between-shows venture, so it only ended up being my husband and myself driving forty minutes to see the Dinasours. We had looked at the website, and it looked so amazing! There were tons of dinosaurs, and it seemed to neat!

IMG_1849

Until we pulled up at the BFE convention center. With the forty cars in the parking lot. Then the no refunds given was the next big giveaway. But we had free tickets, so in we went.

It was…. (more…)

 

An Untimely Demise September 28, 2015

Filed under: Hi-Ho the Glamorous Life — meganorussell @ 8:30 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Once upon a time when I was still in my ridiculously skinny and sickly pale stage, I was cast as a holocaust victim in the show I Never Saw Another Butterfly. My sister, with the bright blond hair and super blue eyes was kindly asked to assistant stage manage.

I didn’t do too much in the show. I dove for imaginary bread and survived a firing squad. There was a lot of tragedy obviously, but it was a pretty easy show. Until one of the kids had to go out for like the flu or a hangnail or something. It didn’t really matter until we got to the firing line scene.

There was this whole list of names, and as each name was read, a shot was fired and one person was killed. In the original blocking I was one of the few to not be executed. But hangnail kid had been given a name and was supposed to be dramatically killed. And each read name had to be shown with a kid dying because the very last name was that of the romantic lead, and then it was all still and solemn.

The stage manager asked me to die on hangnail’s name, and I was so excited. I finally got to crumple to the ground with everyone else. And I was ready for it. So ready for it.

Until I was onstage and realized that with the stage lights in my eyes and the sound cues of firing guns I didn’t actually remember what name I was supposed to die on. (more…)