lifebeyondexaggeration

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

Malicious Medicine April 3, 2018

Filed under: Starting Off Strange — meganorussell @ 11:30 am
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I have this strange mistrust of doctors. It’s not that I think they’re trying to wipe us all out by spreading some horrible plague. I just recognize that, like the rest of us, not all of them are good at their jobs.

It all started when I was super young. I had this tiny little plantar wart in my toe. It really wasn’t a huge deal, but you’ve got to get those things taken care of, so my mother dragged me to the pediatrician. I was promised by the nurse, the doctor, my own mother even, that it would be a quick and practically painless thing. I’d feel a little stick, my toe would go numb, and then it would be done and I could eat tons of ice cream.

I don’t know why, but for some reason my mother wasn’t in the room with me when they were numbing my toe. Maybe she was scared she’d faint… I have no clue.

Anyway, I’m lying stomach-first on this table. The doctor has the needle and is going to inject my big toe. The nurse is flirting with the doctor. I feel the needle go into my toe, but it doesn’t stop. The doctor is chatting with the nurse and just keeps pushing the needle farther in!

Naturally, I do what any child would do, and kick the doctor right in the crotch. (more…)

 

A Hypoallergenic Bubble December 1, 2016

I have allergies. All my life I’ve had allergies. Ragweed, foods, dust, I’m allergic to all of it. It is my destiny.

But a few months ago I went to a new allergist, and she decided to do a blood test. Results came back. On a scale of 1-20, I’m only allergic to trees and that only reads at a four… Lies. Lies and medical deception.

Fast forward to last week when I go back to the allergist because I’ve had four sinus infections in the last year. She tells me to go off all allergy meds for five days before the appointment. It was the longest five days ever. Drippy eyes, runny nose, crackly voice. All things that are super great to deal with while performing a big dance review.

Anywho, I go to the office and the doctor says she really doesn’t know what to do with me because I don’t have many allergies.

(Cue cold-eyed stare of death from me.) (more…)

 

The Rx Riddle May 14, 2014

Filed under: Tales of Humanity's Imperfections — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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Hi, my name is Megan, and I am a Flonase addict. And by addict, I mean allergy sufferer. And by allergy sufferer, I mean please God make this sinus headache go away. (more…)