lifebeyondexaggeration

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

The Time I Got Road Rage February 20, 2016

I don’t drive very often. It’s not that I can’t drive. I can. I have a license and everything. But my husband really loves to drive, and traffic makes me angry. So I usually avoid it.

Well, today is my nephew’s birthday! He’s adorable, and I love him. So to avoid being the worst aunt ever, I decided to venture to the post office to priority mail his present to him so it would be there in time for his birthday. Normally, this wouldn’t be a huge deal, but I had to go between shows, during peak season, on a freakin’ island. And a beautiful island at that. With lots or tourist and not too many roads.

I managed to make it to the post office, only needing to call my husband once for directions. But then…. But then. On the way back, traffic got worse. So much worse. I had to phone my mother so she could listen to me rail at the traffic around me. I spent twelve minutes, TWELVE MINUTES, thirty feet from the turn off I needed! And no one would move! We sat there! I could have walked back to the theatre faster, but I think there’s a law against abandoning a vehicle in the road, and I was in company car anyway! Gah! (more…)

 

Mayhem in the Milk Aisle June 13, 2015

Filed under: Tales of Humanity's Imperfections — meganorussell @ 4:58 pm
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I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 23. Laugh if you want, but between crazy schedules, family tempers, and going to college out of state, it just never happened.

I like to think of it as delaying the size of my carbon footprint. I could never go anywhere by myself, so no pollution for me!

But then the day came when I was twenty-three. A newly married woman with a driver’s license to call my own, and I ran out of milk. I had been to the nearby store before. It was close by. I knew how to get  there. So, I took the keys and went. After a tiny bit of trouble parking, I triumphantly walked to the milk section. But there were hundreds of different kinds of milk!

Okay, maybe not hundreds, but there were an unnecessary number of choices! I had never been to the store alone, so I had never really looked at the milk. I had always just bought what my roommate or husband wanted. But there I was, alone in front of the cooler, left for the first time to make my own decision. (more…)

 

Car Choices in the Apocalypse (Or Is a Hummer Worth It?) May 11, 2015

A few weeks ago, I saw a Hummer driving down the road. Naturally, the conversation moved to questioning the need for such a large vehicle. Does it have to do with the size of genitalia? Is it about showing off how much money you make? Cause I mean seriously, outside of the military, why would you actually need a Hummer? And then I realized why Hummers are necessary.

The Zombie Apocalypse. (more…)

 

The River Song Saga October 4, 2014

Filed under: Tales of Humanity's Imperfections — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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We got our new (to us) car yesterday!!!! After lots of saving and planning, the day finally came. And naturally, things went to hell.

We called the bank to make sure they knew we were planning to take a poop load of money out in the way of U.S. postal money orders last week. They said fine, they would put a note in our file. Then yesterday morning we called again on our way to the post office, and they said yes, the note was still in the computer system. We got up to the counter and started the whole process. Since we needed so much in money orders, we had to get our profession and social security numbers and everything else entered into the system. Then the postman went to run the card… and it was declined.

So, we called the bank. Actually, I left and went to Starbucks, and my husband called the bank. Apparently the person processing the payment needed to enter a special access code. Not that they had ever mentioned that before, but suddenly it was a thing. After half-an-hour of my husband passing his phone back and forth with the postal dude, they managed to figure out that the post office doesn’t have the ability to enter the security code.

The bank told us to go to a Western Union. So we went. It didn’t work. We called the bank again. Now we couldn’t get out more than three thousand dollars in a day… not that they had ever mentioned that, either. They did give us the option to go to Wal-Mart, use our debit card and do lots and lots of debit transactions, and pull out the cash two-hundred dollars at a time. (more…)

 

The Jaunty Jolt April 30, 2014

Filed under: What Doesn't Kill You — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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I’m not the best driver. It’s not like I speed or text while driving. I’m just not very good at it. I don’t like people merging too close to me, or really the concept of merging at all. I’m awful at trying to drive somewhere I’ve never been before unless I have Garmin chirping in my ear. I can’t remember directions to save my life. Almost literally. If you told me how to get to the hospital, I would probably forget what you had said a half-a-mile later. And parking… I’m not so great with parking. I’m that annoying driver who has to back out of the parking space at Walmart twice just to make sure my car is in the lines.

But I am a safe driver. I always respect the rules of the road and have only ever been in one accident whilst I was driving. (more…)

 

Pam Week (It’s Like Shark Week, But With Cars) April 26, 2014

Filed under: Myths and Legends — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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I must apologize for not having a fascinating story for you all this morning. I can’t write. I’m busy car shopping. Not that I need a car right now. I’m about to fly to Alaska for five months. But when I get back, I will have an immediate need of a car. And our dear trusty car, Pam, will not make it through Texas again, hence the car shopping.

I’m not a car person. When asked to describe my car I say, “The green one with the antenna topper that looks like Mickey Mouse dressed as Jack Sparrow.” (more…)

 

Not Winning March 8, 2014

Filed under: What Doesn't Kill You — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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Sometimes you just can’t win. No matter how hard you try, it just doesn’t happen. I’ve been having a rough week. Too much to do, too little time. People who don’t seem to understand exactly what they should be doing, making work even harder for everyone else around them. Thursday, I had a rotten day. I was so frustrated when I went to sleep that I wanted to either punch someone or cry. (more…)