What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

Got Any Wine? June 1, 2015

I love my job. I really, truly love my job. I love being in Alaska. I love getting to perform. But damn, every once in a while you want to punch a patron in the taint.

And yes, I just said taint.

A few days ago, we had a group come into the theatre while I was bartending. We have a very limited selection, but most people can find something within our means to keep them happy.

But these people wanted, nay needed, sauvignon blanc. We don’t have sauvignon blanc. Our only white wine is chardonnay.

So, I told the first man who came asking, “I’m sorry. Our only white wine is chardonnay.”

Man: “So, what wine do you have then?”

Me: “We have cabernet sauvignon—“

Man: “That’s a red.”

Me: “Yes, we have cabernet sauvignon and merlot for red, and our blush is white zinfandel.”

Man: “I’d like a savingnon blanc.”

Frustrated me: “I’m sorry sir, but we only have chardonnay .”

Man: “ So, no sauvignon blanc.”

Me thinking I might finally have gotten through to him: “No, my only white is chardonnay.”

Man: “So your only white is chardonnay. I’ll have a merlot.”

Insert facepalm.

Next man in line who has been listening to this whole freaking conversation: “Can I get a sauvignon blanc?” (more…)