lifebeyondexaggeration

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

The Dirty Schavarny January 26, 2017

So, I had to take a plane ride by myself last week. No husband to keep me company and watch my bag while I used the airport bathroom. For those of you who know how terribly co-dependent I am, you know this was a trying endeavor.

But don’t worry, the universe provided me with entertainment. The problem is that the entertainment had to do with some rather sexual things. So when I say schavarny, what I really mean is a c-word that could be a type of chicken. Get it? Okay, moving on.

I’m settling into my seat on my super early morning flight. Already have my eye mask on, am snuggled in next to the window ready to try and sleep the next few hours into non-existence, when I hear a male voice behind me.

“His schavarny grew in her hand? I thought you didn’t read that stuff.”

…Okay.

The woman he’s with instantly gets defensive. (more…)

 

A Slithery Situation January 18, 2017

Filed under: Animal Antics — meganorussell @ 8:00 pm
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Once upon a time we found a rat outside our theatre. It was a harrowing and tragic tale, and we thought that our wildlife encounters were over. But alas, they were not.

The next day, we were on a break. I was sitting in the theatre, hanging out when one of the girls came in to tell the stage manager that there was a little snake that may have gotten into the lobby. Naturally, we all ran to see it.

Sure enough, there was a little black and yellow snake curled up right inside the door. The little bugger had crept through the crack and wanted to make himself at home. The Stage Manager sighed and got ready to get the snake. Unfortunately, none of us were knew if Mr. Snakey Pants was venomous or not.

Note from the Blogger’s husband: This is one of my biggest pet peeves. So many people use so many words interchangeably that are not synonymous. Further and farther, for instance (which have been used incorrectly so many times that they are now accepted as being synonyms). To be clear, something is venomous if it is capable of injecting the poison/venom into you. Something that is poisonous must be either ingested or touched. In short, venomous fangs vs. poisonous skin. That is all.

Since we were between shows, there were some boxes piled right up by the door. Of course that was where the snake darted toward. And not knowing if he was a murdery dude, we couldn’t reach in to get him. The Stage Manager found a broom handle while I grabbed some sheets of Styrofoam and made a snake wall. (more…)

 

A Rocky Rat January 11, 2017

Filed under: Animal Antics — meganorussell @ 6:00 pm
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For the past week, I’ve been working out on an island in southwest Florida. It’s gorgeous, it’s amazing, it has a ton of animals. The island is filled with swampy-type critters and sanctuaries for said critters. And we’ve met a few new… friends.

Our lovely director has a kind heart, and when she was coming into the theatre, she found a tiny critter in destress. Naturally, we had to help this rat. Yep: rat. It was a cute rat, mind you. Walking shakily in circles, not really noticing all of us creeping closer to it. The poor little dude was eating a rock. A rat eating a rock. Naturally, we named him Rocky.

Our young, but incredibly apt, Stage Manager called the island’s animal rescue folks, and they said to load poor Rocky into a box and drive him over.

I wish I could say I was one of the ones putting the disoriented rat into the box, but really I just ran and found a box. (more…)

 

The Pregnant Nun January 5, 2017

Filed under: Starting Off Strange — meganorussell @ 3:30 pm
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I’m weird. If you’ve been to this blog before, I’m sure you’ve realized that. But there’s nothing like spending time with family to remind you just how terribly weird you are.

I got to spend Christmas with my mom and sister this year, which is a rare treat for a performer. My husband was there; my sister’s husband and his parents were there. We were all chatting, and at one point my mom said something like, “Well, I knew you were going to be weird when I made the nun your mother.”

Outside of my family, you would think that was the ravings of a mad woman, but no no, it’s true.

I grew up in an inn, and some of the many things that happened between those brown brick walls were murder mysteries. You’d arrange the group, my mother would mail everyone a character, you’d come to the house, and we’d slowly kill you all off. It was usually a good, family-friendly time.

When I was about four (so my sister was around six), a group was coming in, and the woman who should have turned out to be the killer according to my mother’s grand plan for the evening didn’t show. (more…)

 

Christmas in Exeter Street December 28, 2016

Happy very late Christmas! I hope yours was wonderful!

Mine was rather like Christmas in Exeter Street. If you’ve never heard of it, you should read it. The book is about this house where everyone ends up for Christmas. Some by design, some by accident. But Father Christmas brings gifts to them all, and they have a great holiday. There ends up being eighteen children in the house, and poor Father Christmas has to count on his toes to be sure he’s left gifts for them all. The homeless baby is especially hard to find since she’s sleeping in the kitchen sink. No, really, that’s where they put her.

Reading Christmas in Exeter Street was a tradition when I was little. There’s a two page illustration that shows everyone sleeping in the house. There are men on mantle pieces, a pastor and his wife in the tub, it’s great. My sister and I would go through and count all the people to make sure there really were eighteen children for Father Christmas to bring gifts to. We still count to this day, like the picture might somehow change.

Going back to the book as an adult, there are some very strange things child me didn’t notice. (more…)

 

A Problematic Pie December 17, 2016

Sometimes the biggest deal can happen over the smallest thing… like pie.

One of my summers in beautiful Alaska, our food situation got strange. There were issues with different companies, such as who owned what building, but the end of the mess found us all eating family dinner at the theatre every night. It was awesome! The chef for the theatre made us a special meal, and we didn’t even have to go anywhere for it!

A bit into the summer, the chef decided to give us a treat and ordered us some pies. And the pies became a bi-weeklyish tradition. They came in a variety pack. I don’t remember all the kinds, but I know that the one we liked best was the cookies and crème pie. We would save that one for last or use it for someone’s birthday. It was great, a super awesome treat we all looked forward to. Until the sad day the cookies and crème pie was missing. (more…)

 

A Burning Legend December 14, 2016

You know those family legends that get passed down, and you know the core of them, but the details get fuzzy? Well this is one of those.

My great-uncle or Dad’s second cousin or something like that, liked to blow fire. It was a party trick that he liked to show off, and I guess he was pretty decent at it. Well, he worked in garage and one day decided to show off for his buddies and blow fire in the garage. He didn’t have booze, so he decided to use gasoline…

Well, gasoline burns much faster than drinking alcohol. So, the fire raced down his throat and burned the inside of his stomach!

All pretty tragic, but he actually survived and ended up in the hospital. When he was finally allowed to go home, they gave him strict orders not to eat any solid food. (more…)