lifebeyondexaggeration

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

A Burning Legend December 14, 2016

You know those family legends that get passed down, and you know the core of them, but the details get fuzzy? Well this is one of those.

My great-uncle or Dad’s second cousin or something like that, liked to blow fire. It was a party trick that he liked to show off, and I guess he was pretty decent at it. Well, he worked in garage and one day decided to show off for his buddies and blow fire in the garage. He didn’t have booze, so he decided to use gasoline…

Well, gasoline burns much faster than drinking alcohol. So, the fire raced down his throat and burned the inside of his stomach!

All pretty tragic, but he actually survived and ended up in the hospital. When he was finally allowed to go home, they gave him strict orders not to eat any solid food. (more…)

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The Perfect Cookie October 29, 2016

Have you ever had that moment when you realize that something is perfect? Not just really good or exceptional, but perfect. The best that has ever been. No need or room for improvement. Just flawless bliss.

I found that feeling… in a cookie. And not just any cookie. A molasses cookie. I know that sounds weird, but I’m in Amish country right now. That’s like a thing here. I don’t know. They put molasses in everything. Sometimes I hate it. But in this case it was perfect.

A deep brown cookie with a savory taste that cuts through the sweet. (more…)

 

A New Level of Nerd October 8, 2016

I have officially reached a new level of nerd. And this is coming from the girl who thought she was going to marry Alexander Rozhenko, has dressed as a TARDIS for the last three Halloweens, and craves the Walking Dead like a walker craves juicy, live-person flesh.

But still I have reached a new level of nerd. I have officially started playing Dungeons and Dragons. And… I like it.

I sort of feel like I might be entering an episode of Stranger Things by playing D&D, but if the upside down is where I’m headed, at least I’ll have a good proficiency with my long bow. I mean, I get +7 with whatever I roll on that one, so the Demogorgon should be no problem.

Though truthfully my character isn’t doing so well. (more…)

 

Pre-Zombie Preperation May 21, 2016

What is the one skill you wish you knew in case the zombie apocalypse started tomorrow? I know, I know. Zombies aren’t real (yet), but humor me. What is the one thing you’ll wish you had Googled?

Would it be how to shoot a crossbow, or better yet, how to build one of your own? Building a fire would be a really good thing to know, but I think, and I could be very naïve on this one, that most people can light a decent fire. So what about lighting a fire without matches or a lighter?

There are some things that would be beyond reasonable effort. Like gas. Gasoline does actually go bad. If you’re on your own in the cold, cruel, zombie-ridden world, you’re probably not going to be able to do all the things you would need to make more gas; that would require a new world structure. So car repair skills aren’t actually going to be helpful for long. Bike repair: that might be a great thing to know before the zombies are nipping at your heels.

Making medicine would also be amazingly useful. Like at-home penicillin, which is a real thing you can do; making your own, albeit primitive, antibiotics would be life saving. In fact, all sorts of first aid would be great things to learn before the zombies come knocking at your door. When the emergency rooms are no longer functional, you’ll have to know what to do when you get frostbite or need stitches.

Map reading would also be a super useful tool! You’re trying to bike or walk to the next town. There’s no more Siri to steer you the right way, so you have to read a regular old map. What if you need to cross the wilderness? (more…)

 

Camping with Zombies March 7, 2016

I’ve been spending a lot of time in Southwest Florida this year, and I’ve noticed something strange.

Okay, noticed is really the wrong way to say it. More like my overactive imagination and zombie obsession have come together to form a theory.

There are lots of “camping” places here where the RVs seem to have taken permanent roots. Or rather sunk into the ground. The siding has sagged and stretched until it covers the wheels. And by stretched, I mean the owners have added bottoms to hide the mobile-ness of the campers, removing the original purpose of having a home with wheels. They’ve added gardens and sheds. A porch roof that definitely wouldn’t make it down the highway. Normally, I wouldn’t care if décor had completely obliterated function, but after careful consideration, a camper would be the best form of housing in the zombie apocalypse. (more…)

 

Pluto on Pluto July 15, 2015

Filed under: Myths and Legends — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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Have you seen the picture of Pluto? But really, have you?

Pluto

Look at it. No, really look at it.

Pluto the Disney dog is clearly silhouetted on Pluto the quasi – sometimes – planet.

Pluto on Pluto

Walt Disney was either a psychic genius or an alien. And right now, I’m voting for alien. Walt Disney had seen the face of Pluto while on his way down to earth Kal-El style. He grew up, became famous, and planted us all a little shade of his brilliance in creating Mickey Mouse’s loving and trusty friend, not to mention the best Disney character ever, Pluto!

And now that we’ve seen Pluto, we all know that Walt was Walt from another World! No wonder he wanted to be cryogenically frozen when he died. He’s waiting for his people to come unfreeze him!

I know it sounds crazy, but seriously y’all. Pluto is on Pluto. How else can you explain it?

 

The Bear-Pocalypse May 25, 2015

Filed under: Myths and Legends — meganorussell @ 8:30 pm
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In the theatre where I am currently working we have a real bearskin decorating the wall. I’m in Alaska, so I promise Mr. Dead Bear makes sense. As I was staring at MDB the other day, I got to wondering. What if there was a bear Zombie Apocalypse? What if all the bears in Denali suddenly became zombies and began to eat each other. Not that big bears won’t eat each other now, but what if the bears began to hunt like zombies? (more…)