I have this strange mistrust of doctors. It’s not that I think they’re trying to wipe us all out by spreading some horrible plague. I just recognize that, like the rest of us, not all of them are good at their jobs.
It all started when I was super young. I had this tiny little plantar wart in my toe. It really wasn’t a huge deal, but you’ve got to get those things taken care of, so my mother dragged me to the pediatrician. I was promised by the nurse, the doctor, my own mother even, that it would be a quick and practically painless thing. I’d feel a little stick, my toe would go numb, and then it would be done and I could eat tons of ice cream.
I don’t know why, but for some reason my mother wasn’t in the room with me when they were numbing my toe. Maybe she was scared she’d faint… I have no clue.
Anyway, I’m lying stomach-first on this table. The doctor has the needle and is going to inject my big toe. The nurse is flirting with the doctor. I feel the needle go into my toe, but it doesn’t stop. The doctor is chatting with the nurse and just keeps pushing the needle farther in!
Naturally, I do what any child would do, and kick the doctor right in the crotch.
There was a lot of screaming. I was screaming. The doctor was screaming. They brought my mother in and then she was screaming. Then I showed her the mark on the inside of my toenail where the doctor had pushed the needle all the way through from the bottom of my toe.
So my mother started screaming at the doctor instead of yelling at me, which I thought was a lot better.
Once everyone calmed down, they finished the toe procedure. At that point, my toe was already numb so why waste it? And I still have a fully functional toe today.
But I never forgave that doctor for flirting as he skewered my toe, and I’ve always had to watch when people have stuck me with needles ever since.