My doctor decided to put me on a short course of prednisone. No big deal, just a little steroidal help. I’ve been on steroids before, usually there’s some sort of unpleasantness involved. Like my face turning red, or growing insta-jowls, cosmetic things that are annoying-yet-temporary.
This time my face decided it didn’t want to react, so I have become a completely irrational human instead. Not like roid ragey—I’m not mad at anyone, not irritable or anything. I just cry. For no real reason, I cry. So since I can’t think of a fun story to tell without become a human faucet, I will instead enumerate the reasons I have cried irrationally in the last few days.
-I did too many pushups.
-My husband brought me two chicken fingers. (I had asked for said chicken fingers.)
-My husband brought me orange juice.
-I ran out of orange juice.
-It was time to go to a party.
-I was asked to drive in the dark. (My friend was lovely and drove for me. I was emotionally incapable of driving my own car.)
-I dropped my eraser. (It was an eraser. It didn’t break. I wasn’t even using it at the time. Still cried for five minutes.)
-I bought the wrong size card table. (I don’t even need the other size.)
-I didn’t want to go to bed.
-(Five minutes later) I was exhausted and wanted to go to bed.
-I couldn’t find my blue socks.
-My husband brought me tea.
On the plus side, my husband is a saint, and my co-workers are all actors. So they aren’t freaked out by my sobbing because of chicken fingers in the green room. I also know why I’m crying and am having a great week anyway.
On the minus side, I’m still on the roids for four more days. That gives me four more days of freak outs for no reason.
If you see milk on the floor and I’m sobbing hysterically, don’t worry. I’m not crying over spilled milk. The steroids have just turned me into a mess of a human. Get it? An irrational human crying over spilled milk… and chicken tenders.