What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

The Broken Hymen Lie June 11, 2016

I’m back! And mostly alive I swear! After more than a week of visiting fantastic friends and doing some really cool things, I am back at the keyboard. Not writing, but proofing the eARC of The Dragon Unbound and blogging for you all!

So in this time of not writing, I’ve been stewing over something that’s really, truly been bothering me. Warning: this post is about to turn PG 13. I don’t care who you sleep with. If you’re in an open relationship, playing with whips, or saving yourself until marriage, I really don’t care. As long as everyone’s legal and no one’s lying, it’s really none of my business. What bothers me is when women who have been around the block in a public way suddenly publicly declare their purity and virginity to all the world — a good portion of which knows that their virgin status is on par with the ladies of sex and the city. Let me give you a few examples.

First: college astronomy class. Girl next to me is asking gay friend about the best methods for anal. No big deal — though I did dig in my backpack for a pencil I didn’t need in order to hide my giggling — she can do what she likes. The next year she decides she never had sex with anyone and is saving herself for marriage…. What? Did she, like, regrow her hymen? Then she had her purity ring melted down to make her husband’s wedding band, because her purity was vital to their marriage. So, admitting you had sex is worse than going into marriage sporting a big fat lie?

Next up: retrospect virgin. Girl was sleeping with another dude when her boyfriend proposed. I mean whatever, not something I would do, but maybe they had a rule where it didn’t count on contract. Girl gets married, gets divorced, then decides to tell the world that she was a virgin when she got married. She had never slept with anyone but her husband. So his transgressions that ruined their marriage ruined her, too. Cause, you know, it would have been okay for him to cheat if she had been a virgin when they got married (insert sarcasm). And the worst part — she is weaving her fake virginity into a huge lie! Girlfriend has gotten herself in so deep to this fake virginity story, in such a public way, she’s screwed! Why start a lie like that in the first place!

And last roomie who condemned me to hell. Girl has slept around… a lot. She particularly likes married men. And she likes to befriend their wives, which is really pretty sick. But she claims that God is her world and she is a virgin! I only hope the virgin gets tested for STIs on a regular basis, because I would hate for one of the wives to get something from her cheating husband.

Why do I care? Other than the lying really irking me and feeling like these women are taking advantage of others by claiming virginity. Because why lie? Sure, those who cheated or became mistresses have that to deal with, but as far as actual sex, why the guilt? And by lying, by spouting virginity stories, they are perpetuating the outdated concept that a woman’s worth is linked to her purity. That if you are not a virgin, you are less useful to society. They are giving men a false hymen-idol to point to and say, “Woman pure, woman good. I break hymen with mighty penis.” And that disgusts me.

Do I think there’s anything wrong with waiting till marriage? No. You do what you want. Do I think all men are fools who are going to start buying into the horrible notion of not buying the cow when you can get the milk for free? Not even a little. But women have fought tooth and nail to get where we are. The sexual revolution is not that far in the past. And women who lie, who degrade who they are by placing enough importance on virginity to lie about it, even when they know that the lie is a shoddy one that a ton of people know to be false… those women disgust me.

So stop with the lying. You are not a cow. You are not a hymen. Your lying is a worse stain on your character than sex could ever be. Respect yourself enough to be truthful. And if you’re going to keep lying, for the love of God keep it away from me.


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