A long time ago my sister gave my beloved stuffed puppy a swirly. I thought the matter was over and done with. In fact, I even wrote a blog about it. But it seems the matter is far from over.
The way I remember it my sister gave my stuffed puppy a swirly. After a lot of crying, I decided to take revenge. And not just any revenge. A horrible revenge that can only be executed by the likes of a little sister.
My sister had a teddy bear that she loved very much. Since my big sister had hurt my puppy, I would take revenge on Teddy. While my mother was Lysoling the toilet germs out of puppy, I found my sister’s teddy, fastened a very impressive noose for a child, and hung Teddy over my sister’s bed with a note that read something along the lines of —
You smell. I cannot take living with your awful stink anymore. Goodbye cruel world.
As soon as my sister saw the note, she turned a shade of red I had never seen before and chased me out into the yard and in circles around the big lilac tree until neither of us could breathe anymore. Then she ran into the house and held my recently cleaned puppy over the toilet, threatening to flush him again if I didn’t take her teddy down. That’s how my mom found us, and mediation began, ending in a weekend of my sister and I not speaking to each other, which was rough since our beds were three feet apart.
My sister remembers the story a little differently.
In her version, I was a demon child who decided to hang her teddy for pure sick pleasure. Then she chased me and we ended up with puppy hanging by his ear over the toilet, but he never actually went into the toilet bowl itself.
It was a very long time ago, and the suicide note from teddy has long since been lost. I really do believe that puppy going into the toilet started it all. Though I did have an unfortunate habit of carrying him everywhere with me, so maybe he was left on the back of the toilet and got knocked in.
I doubt we’ll ever know the whole truth. So the ages are left to debate which came first: the swirly or the noose?