I’ve been spending a lot of time in Southwest Florida this year, and I’ve noticed something strange.
Okay, noticed is really the wrong way to say it. More like my overactive imagination and zombie obsession have come together to form a theory.
There are lots of “camping” places here where the RVs seem to have taken permanent roots. Or rather sunk into the ground. The siding has sagged and stretched until it covers the wheels. And by stretched, I mean the owners have added bottoms to hide the mobile-ness of the campers, removing the original purpose of having a home with wheels. They’ve added gardens and sheds. A porch roof that definitely wouldn’t make it down the highway. Normally, I wouldn’t care if décor had completely obliterated function, but after careful consideration, a camper would be the best form of housing in the zombie apocalypse.
And I do mean a camper that you have to hook up to a truck, not an RV with it’s own engine.
You see, a camper has only one door. One door means it’s easy to barricade. There is no giant windshield just begging to be crawled through. The windows in a camper are high, so as long as you’re dealing with standard zombies and not people with rabies, zombies climbing through your window won’t be an issue. And the walls are metal, harder for zombies to get through than plywood or, God forbid, canvas.
Mobility is obviously a plus. Find a truck with a hitch, and you can move your home and all your supplies with you. Better yet, if the truck breaks down, you don’t have to find a whole new home. Just another truck, which is a definite plus.
Now, there are a few downsides. Those little storage cubbies on the outside should never be used. If you get surrounded by zombies, you’re going to want to have all of your supplies inside where you can get to them in an undead siege. And you don’t want people creeping up in the night and raiding your cubby holes.
Dump stations and clean water tanks will be hard to find, so sanitization is something you’re going to have to be very careful about. And once gas runs out, mobility will no longer be an option. But then you still have an easy-to-barricade metal house, so you’re no worse off than your neighbor.
All this is really to say that I hope the people whose campers have dropped roots have a quick escape plan in case of zombie invasion or hurricanes; to admit that I may have an unhealthy obsession with plotting my escape in case of zombie emergency; and to pass on a little of my zombie escaping wisdom to you in the hopes that, if that sad day of the undead comes, my musing may help you survive.
May the zombie odds be ever in your favor.