Telling children that your fate in the Christmas play is to have been burned alive is bad. Really bad. But let me tell you how I came close to that crowning moment of inappropriate-for-children glory.
It was a few summers ago when I was playing Maleficent in a children’s theatre production of Sleeping Beauty. I had the whole Disney-style costumes complete with the horns. I became a dragon and had a terrible death scene on stage. I mean, you have to do it up right for kids’ shows.
With the theatre company I work for you do a Q&A after every show. One day a child asked what my horns were made of. I answered in the most clear and child friendly way I could think of.
“You know how inside of your teddy bear there’s fluffy white stuffing? Well, that’s what my horns are made of.”
The children were horrified, thinking that I had somehow snuck into their homes and gutted their beloved teddy bears. I only meant that they were light and fluffy. I didn’t say it was teddy bear guts. But it didn’t matter. I was a teddy bear killer.
A few shows later when I was still being openly mocked about killing teddy bears, another child asked, “Is Maleficent good at the end of the play?”
I said without a pause, “Well, I’m kind of dead, but we can go with me being good.”
And the children were horrified once again. Apparently being stabbed with a sword on stage and screaming in agony is fine. But calmly stating that you’ve been killed freaks kids out.
So I held onto the worst kid’s show answer crown for a while. Until the Skin Horse admitted to being burned alive.
In other news, I leave for Thailand in ten short days! Eek! In the meantime I have to pack, close a show, move, celebrate Christmas, road trip up the coast to visit all the family and buy a new pair of tap shoes.
So posts may become a bit sporadic for a while. I would say that I was taking a break, but who am I kidding. I’m going to end up posting pictures while I’m in Thailand.
Before I head out into the chaos, check out my super cool interview for a chance to win lots of great books, including two by yours truly. And don’t forget to grab a copy of Nuttycracker Sweet for a fun holiday read. There’s taxidermy and ballet, what more can you ask for?
So Merry Christmas, and best wishes for a Happy and Healthy New Year. And watch, now that I’ve said that I’ll probably post again tomorrow.