I grew up next door to a volunteer fire department. And by next door, I mean I could stare into their window from my bedroom window, which provided quite the education on the occasions when the firemen hired strippers.
While I appreciate that firemen, whether volunteer or otherwise, put themselves at great personal risk to help others, these men were just plain dumb. It usually showed itself in little ways that most of the village didn’t notice and my family was only privy to due to our proximity to the firehouse side door.
Like the time all the eighteen-year-olds joined the department and started hanging out at the fire station all the time. It took the chief a while to realize that the vending machine he had installed that doled out dollar beers with no one to check IDs might have something to do with the boys’ enthusiasm.
But the time that really took the cake was when the firemen decided they needed a summer project. They all got together and dry-walled the ceiling of the firehouse, boarding over and covering up the hatch to the roof where the fire siren sat. But that’s no big deal, right? What Fire Department needs a way to get to their fire siren?
Fast forward to the next winter. There was lots of ice that season, covering everything from branches to, you guessed it, the fire siren. The alarm sounded for a fire, and even after the trucks had departed, the siren continued to blast through the village. For two hours! The ice had frozen the blasted thing in the on position.
They all got back from the fire and tried to figure out how to turn the damned thing off, but no one could remember exactly where the trap door was to get to the siren.
So, the firemen did the only logical thing. Pulled out guns and started shooting at the siren. As soon as the bullets started to fly, my mother dragged me away from the window, terrified I would be killed by a ricocheting bullet.
Eventually, after they all had a grand old time playing with their guns, someone actually hit the siren and managed to make the noise stop.
Of course then the siren had bullet hole in it, and they had to tear down the entire new ceiling to find the trap to door go to the roof to install the new siren.
I want to add in a punchy tag line for y’all, but funny can’t fix stupid, so this is all I’ve got.