What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

Mission Impossible: Dorm Style (Rated PG) April 4, 2015

Filed under: What Doesn't Kill You — meganorussell @ 10:00 am
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The dorm I lived in freshman year of college was as close to a penitentiary as you can get while paying private school tuition. There were no windows that opened. (I’ll tell you that story sometime.) There were guards at the doors, and there was an evil woman named Mary who could project her voice into your room at two in the morning if the demon spirit moved her. There was also a strict ban on boys outside of business hours.

Needless to say, the ban did not go over too well with a bunch of hormonal college freshman. There were a few boys sneaking in dressed as girls. There were a few boys who came in legally and stayed illegally, causing dorm-wide manhunts. And there was one college freshman boy who went above and beyond in search of boobies.

This boy was a well known, shall we say poon hound, and apparently visiting hours just didn’t give him enough time to hit on all the freshman. His desperation led him on a wild escapade.

There were tunnels under the sidewalks that held the ventilations shafts and Ethernet cables for all the campus buildings. The tunnels were strictly forbidden and constantly locked. But this ambitious boobie hunter found a way into the tunnels. He braved the darkness, spiders, and possible suspension to find the underground vent that led into the girls’ dormitory basement.

He did not, however, know how to get out of the air shaft once he got into the girls’ basement. Luckily, two freshman ladies were downstairs folding their panties when he knocked on the grate to get out. They kindly rescued the boobie-venturer, and the rest of the evening became one of legend.

There may not have been lasers detecting the boobie hunter’s arrival, but he faced filth and possible death to get laid. Not every guy can crawl underground to sneak into a girl’s dorm and live to tell the tale. And for that, I must give him my respect. And hope he got tested. Nobody likes the clap.


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