Well, poop on a stick, ya’ll. I think I just attended the worst audition ever. And please keep in mind, I don’t mean, “Wow, I’ve never done so poorly in my life.” I mean, “What in the name of Dionysus happened?”
The husband and I were auditioning for a really great company. Super reputable, employs lots of people, would be great to work for, all that good stuff. The audition announcement said to be prepared to sing a cappella. “Be prepared to sing a cappella” is an actor’s nightmare. I am not auditioning for American Idol. I am a professional. Is it too much to ask to have an accompanist at the audition? The piano players of the world could use the day of work. They have bills to pay, too, you know?
Anyway, I was prepared to go in and rock it out Broadway Idol style. But we got there, and instead, we were supposed to sing a song they had chosen. But not a common song everyone would know. Not “It’s My Party.” Oh no. A random song by an artist I’ve never heard of. And not even the way the artist sings it. It’s a strange pop version they made up all by themselves. We were supposed to learn the song while listening to it quietly on repeat in the holding room and not singing along above a whisper. I tried, I swear. I tried to learn the weird riffs with the musical track that didn’t stay at a consistent tempo and had fermatas for Jesus that were nowhere on the page.
I lined up to go in, still trying to sing through the song no one in the world has ever heard of in my head. I went in, stood on the red X, and they pressed play on the boom box. Yes, it really was an old school boom box. No, they didn’t utilize the lovely speakers on the walls. As soon as I started singing, I couldn’t hear the music anymore! So, I sang a few words and stopped. Now I was off from the track. So, I tried to belt softer, but that’s just unfortunate. So I sang louder, missed the random key change mid-phrase, stopped, started again, and gave a real strong finish.
It was so horrible, I couldn’t even be upset. It had looped all the way around to absurdly funny. But hey, those three notes I managed to belt sounded killer. Ah, well. At least we bought my husband new tap shoes. So that’s a big win!