I’m an Aunt, you guys!! I know it’s a terrify thought, but my wonderful sister had an adorable baby boy on Thursday. I won’t get to meet him for a few months (the trouble with being an actor), but I’ve seen lots of pictures. And I love him.
But here’s the problem. I have a phobia of babies.I don’t think babies are like Chucky Dolls and are going to kill me in my sleep. Nor do I think we should cook them up and eat them since they are useless. I fear them for a much more logical reason. Babies don’t have kneecaps. They have weird little calcium deposits of goo where kneecaps should be, and that’s just freaky.
Maybe it’s because I‘ve spent a huge amount of time in physical therapy because of knee problems, maybe it’s because I’m a dancer, but my knees are a part of who I am. How can a baby have an identity without kneecaps?
They have cute little feet, pudgy little dough legs, and no kneecaps! It’s just weird! Okay, I know really I’m weird, and the babies shouldn’t be blamed for my phobia. But more than the fear of imminent baby vomit, I fear their legs!
I’m sure that when I meet my nephew in a few months, I will love him sans kneecaps. But for now, I will continue with my baby avoidance. Puppies are born with knees. I’ll stick to puppies.