The following is the full body of an email that I sent to my health insurance company Monday. Please enjoy:
I tweeted earlier from @lbexaggeration about a customer service issue. All I want is a coherent response as to why I have two bills for nearly the same service with a $400 dollar difference in how much I owe. I had the blood drawn at the same doctor. Why do I owe so much this time? The only answers I got either made no sense mathematically (80% of $643 is $514.40, not $443.73) or had nothing to do with my plan. And the number the woman said I should owe wasn’t even the amount on my bill! I asked to speak to a supervisor, and at first she said I should hold, then fifteen minutes later, I was told I would have to be called back because the information wasn’t available. When I questioned her as to why the information she had been looking at wasn’t available anymore, she said it wasn’t the information she couldn’t find, she just hadn’t located a supervisor. She said someone would call back within the half hour. When they called an hour late, I didn’t answer my phone in time. I was not left a voice mail, so I tried to call the number back, which gave me to a person who sent me on an endless chase through the press one press two loop of doom. I hung up and tried again, begging not to be transferred or placed on hold again… I’ve been on hold for another half an hour.
For entertainment purposes, this will be posted on my blog Wednesday at lifebeyondexaggeration.com. Feel free to drop by. I might even approve your comment. And it will probably be posted on Facebook, too. If I’m going to suffer, my friends should at least get a laugh out of it.
Please forgive the haikus I plan on tweeting later about the Humana loop of doom.
Yours forever in the hold pattern,