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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

Twas the Night Before Christmas: An Ode to Our Car Pam December 23, 2013

Filed under: Hi-Ho the Glamorous Life — meganorussell @ 8:34 pm
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Twas the night before Christmas, five hours yet to drive.
Our car, despite all odds, might make it alive.
The oil and coolant had been changed with great care
The one-year-old tires filled newly with air.

Our car decorations diminished the dread
(We got our Pam antlers, and a nose flaming red).
With hundreds of miles already behind
The hope in our hearts had become rather blind.
When under the hood there arose such a clatter
I pulled the car over to see what was the matter
I ripped the hood open and saw in a flash
Smoke from a hose rising up through a gash.
The moon glinted off of the newly formed haze,
And forth flew new curses ne’er heard on highways.
When what to our wandering eyes should appear
But a truck with a tow. Could it be a John Deere?
The burly, old driver was all things but quick.
He spit out his chaw and said, “My name is Nick.”
His red shirt rode up, showing hairs on his belly,
Which shook when he coughed, and his breath was quite smelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right shapeless old guy.
Megan laughed so hard I feared she might die.
But even though comical he may have been,
He fixed up our hose, then he said with a grin,
“Your Pam should be fine now, but I’ve gotta go.”
And right at that moment, it started to snow.
“Well, poop. (I took out the real curse for you)
I’ve got places to go. Now, what will I do?”
Then a light glowed so bright that it cut through the snow.
We turned with a jerk to find Pam’s nose a-glow.
Our trusty old car had surprised us once more.
“Well I’ll be,” cried old Nick, “never seen that before.”
He leaned in to our car, cleared his throat with a cough,
Then said, “Please lead our way, O great auto-Rudolph.”
And off into the night we drove with great speed,
With Pam’s bright red nose never failing to lead.
She lead Nick to Volvos and Chryslers and Fords
(The Fords cluttered up the road’s shoulders in hoards)
As we left the last family, we left also the snow,
With a sigh of relief, Nick got ready to go.
And we heard as he drove his John Deere out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

Written by Christopher Russell

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2 Responses to “Twas the Night Before Christmas: An Ode to Our Car Pam”

  1. shoes Says:

    That was awesome – thanks for the laugh! 🙂


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