As a female performer, it is usually my job to look pretty. Sometimes I stand there and look pretty. Sometimes I sing really high while looking pretty. Sometimes I kick my face and look pretty. There have been a few times when I wasn’t supposed to be pretty (being Annelle in Steel Magnolias was one of those rare moments), but on the whole, I am supposed to be pretty.
I spend more time putting on makeup in front of mirrors than is probably healthy. Now if I see myself without fake eyelashes and Colorstay lip color, I feel like I have no face at all. Please don’t think I wear makeup all the time. I don’t. I just don’t look at myself.
But with all this time layering on shimmer powder and blush, I am still incapable of taking a pretty picture while performing. I’ve been told I look pretty on stage, and I still get paid. So, I’m assuming I don’t look too heinous. But every time they take publicity photos during the show, I end up looking like a beached whale desperately trying to smile while wearing painted on red lips and a pretty wig.
I worked at a theatre for more than ten different productions. This means I did roughly five-hundred performances. That breaks down to about two-hundred and fifty hours sitting in front of a mirror doing makeup. Let’s ignore how horrible that amount of time sounds for now. With two-hundred and fifty hours of getting pretty, there was not one good picture of me performing. I know this for a fact.
They were putting up pictures of all the company members from past shows. They sorted through thousands of photographs of me, and not a single one was usable. After hours of searching, they finally found a picture of me signing autographs for kids after a children’s show. I was the only person with a non-performance photo. Please enjoy this small taste of my ugly show face which was printed and mailed to patrons to tell them I would be returning for another show.
While part of me hopes that no one recognized me from the picture, the other part thinks, “Well, at least they know what they’re getting.” At the very least, I hope I didn’t scare anyone away.
And please enjoy this other pretty show face gem.
It’s a good thing I have good self-esteem.