Things I wish someone had told me sooner. Lessons from my first twenty-eight years:
The sun is really a star. Didn’t really understand that until I was fifteen. The sun is just a really close star. I feel like should have learned that in elementary school.
Chickens and turkeys are different species. I thought that turkeys were male chickens and that Thanksgiving was just a particularly sexist holiday. I won’t tell you when I figured that one out.
White T-Shirts become see through when wet. I learned that in front of several hundred teenage boys. I’ll have to tell you that story someday.
Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Like hiking in the snow, or pointe shoes. There is no reason to suffer like that.
Grease fires should be put out with baking soda. I feel like that should be covered in kindergarten… Just in case.
How to write a check. A Wal-Mart cashier taught me that one in college.
A futon is a bed in disguise. Never trust a futon.
Always check for bed bugs when you get to a hotel. #tourlife
Don’t run out of gas and kill your car battery at the same time. The tow truck guy will laugh at you.
Don’t get a tattoo right before you go to Disney. Washing your new tattoo in Mickey’s bathroom is embarrassing, and small children stare at your foot in the sink.