When I was very little my mother didn’t want me to drink straight juice or soda, so my father was under very strict instructions to water down everything he put into my sippy cup. Not a bad plan really. Go mom for trying to keep me out of a kiddy sugar coma. But one day I was in the kitchen and dropped my cup spilling the precious liquid all over our floor.
“Uh-Oh!” I cried. As my pudgy little lip started to tremble my mother tried to cut off the water works.
“It’s ok sweetie, I’ll make you more.” She picked up my sippy cup. “What did you have?”
Without missing a beat I answered like an alcoholic at their favorite bar. “Apple juice, water, and Dr Pepper.” (Please picture the apple juice as being said by a pudgy toddler pronouncing the name of the nectar of toddler life apol duice.)
“No sweetie,” my mom shook her head. “Do you want Apple juice or water?”
“No,” I shook my head right back. “Apple juice, water, and Dr Pepper.”
I couldn’t understand how my own mother couldn’t mix my favorite drink. My mother didn’t understand how my father could misunderstand such simple instructions. Instead of limiting my sugar intake he had created a monster. It was all I wanted to drink. To this day, if I’m in bad shape – we’re talking sick, miserable, or in the midst of a nervous breakdown – apple juice, water and Dr Pepper mixed exactly in thirds makes me feel better every time.