Once upon a time my husband and I were driving cross country. We stopped to see a friend in Oklahoma City and had a wonderful Mexican meal. The next morning we were going to make the short trip to Tulsa, Oklahoma to see another friend. We stopped for lunch at one of our favorite burger places. But somehow I didn’t feel very well. I couldn’t eat my burger. But as someone with a sensitive stomach, I thought nothing of it as we continued our trek to Tulsa. A few miles down the road I did not feel well at all. My husband handed me my see through McDonalds Extra Large Iced Coffee cup from the day before and said he wanted me to hold on to it just in case. I laughed at him for being so silly and worried. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Until it happened. We got onto the long stretch of highway, and I knew I was doomed. Before I could warn my poor husband I opened my mouth and filled the entire extra large clear plastic cup in one huge vomitous blaaaHHHH! I just turned to look at my husband completely confused. I didn’t know what to do. I had a full cup of vomit in my hands. What does one do with a full cup of vomit while traveling down the highway? My husband pulled over, and I dumped the chunks on the side of the road. But the trauma was far from over. Four more times on the two-ish hour drive we had to pull over so I could empty the cup and sometimes puke out the side of the car, which is much easier said than done. Finally we made the decision: I had food poisoning. But what were we to do?
So, we drove on to my friends house. I knocked on the door and told her I had food poisoning and was more than willing to go to a hotel. But her loving family took little puke-faced me into their loving home and made me toast while I violated their toilet. I’ve never been introduced to parents of a friend in such an interesting way. “Hello Mrs. Friend’s Mom, my name is BlaHHHHH!” But it happened. As my husband watch Dr. Horrible’s Sing along BLAHHHH, I listened to Neil Patrick Harris sing through the bathroom wall. You don’t need any more of the gory details. I’m sure you know enough about food poisoning to know the horrors that ensued as I slept on their bathroom floor. Ever since that night I haven’t been able to go near Pepto-Bismol. But somehow McDonalds Extra Large Iced Coffees are just fine.