lifebeyondexaggeration

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

A Teddy Tragedy June 3, 2013

Filed under: Starting Off Strange — meganorussell @ 8:05 am
Tags: , , , , ,

Growing up my sister and I got along as well as two girls two-and-a-half years apart really can. We played together all the time, but we did have our occasional spats. One day we were having a fight the roots of which have been lost to the twisting of family legend. However the fight started, it ended as the dirtiest fight we ever had. I was seven or so and had a stuffed dog named puppy who I still love to this day, and my sister had a teddy. I don’t think she ever named the bear as she doesn’t like material things very much. The way I remember it, she was mad at me for some very very minor transgression, so she took my puppy and gave him a swirly! Stuck his head in the toilet and flushed! His long red ears were being pulled by the spiraling current in a show of unhygienic horror.

I cried. I hollered. I got my revenge. As soon as my sister was outside I found a piece of rope and ran straight for my sister’s teddy. By the time she got back to our room, teddy was hanging above her bed with a makeshift noose. A suicide note was pinned to his chest that read “I couldn’t take it anymore, you’re too stinky.”  My sister chased me around the yard screaming for hours. My poor mother thought both of her children had lost their minds, and can you blame her? What kind of sick seven-year-old writes a teddy suicide note? Eventually peace was declared. Teddy’s neck was refluffed and puppy was lysoled. But I still can’t look at that bear without laughing.

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7 Responses to “A Teddy Tragedy”

  1. rockettattoo Says:

    its amazing the minutia I can recall from being a kid and yet I have a tendency to forget some ones name that I really have no excuse in doing so. Example: My step sister had a Teddy Bear who’s name was Ted E Bear, no hanging involved of Mr. Bear, but I do remember hanging (also with noose) my “G.I Joe” (one of the originals). My mom gasped in horror and asked what happened. I just simply stated he was caught being a spy for the enemy, was court martialed, and hung. America’s greatest hero my butt, he served as an example as to my other action figures.

  2. Dammit that’s a good freaking note from a 7 year old! 🙂

  3. SummersDay Says:

    this was great, lots of chuckles and laugh. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for, and a lot more unrestrained and honest about their anger.

  4. “His long red ears were being pulled by the spiraling current in a show of unhygienic horror.” – “and can you blame her? What kind of sick seven-year-old writes a teddy suicide note?”

    I was going to stop by and just read a couple of posts and then I read two of the funniest and most well written lines comedic lines I have ever come across on these blogs. Simply hilarious.

  5. […] I think I may have watched too much of The Parent Trap when I was little. Or maybe I just had an overactive imagination. Either way, sticking my tongue out was never good enough for […]

  6. […] my beloved stuffed puppy a swirly. I thought the matter was over and done with. In fact, I even wrote a blog about it. But it seems the matter is far from […]


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