What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stranger

The Evil Escalators March 6, 2013

Filed under: What Doesn't Kill You — meganorussell @ 12:00 pm
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Once when I was little, my family went to Washington, D.C. For those of you who have never visited, it’s a beautiful city that just so happens to have the most terrifying escalators that I have ever seen in my life. They go deep down into the earth, reaching father than you can see. You step on at the top hoping that something terrible isn’t waiting at the bottom. When I was there twenty years ago I wasn’t afraid of the escalators, and they sensed my bravery. The evil escalator needed to teach me my place in the world, and it was far below the escalator gods. As I was riding down into the subway, the escalator grabbed onto the ankle of my overalls. I was too busy being a carefree child to notice until we were almost at the bottom. I tried to move my leg and realized I was trapped. I screamed bloody murder. My father saw what was happening and raced to the bottom of the escalator frantically searching for the emergency stop button, but there was none. He ran back up to me, grabbed me around the waist, and pulled for dear life. He ripped my pants but saved my life. The escalator gods did not get to eat me that day.

For years the incident haunted me. I was afraid of the escalators. On one of the first dates I ever went on I nearly had a nervous breakdown trying to get onto the two story escalator at the mall movie theatre. I had recurring nightmares of the impossible staircase drawing, only all of the stairs were escalators with evil llamas waiting at the bottom (I don’t really know where the llamas come in). The staircase room in the Haunted Mansion ride at Disney World is terrifying if you have escalator nightmares. All those stairs going the wrong way. The Mouse has a twisted sense of humor.

To this day, all subway escalators make my pulse quicken. And if I can’t see the bottom, I’d rather walk the four flights of stairs. Children playing on escalators drives me crazy! Do their parents want their children to be eaten? Is this the modern day equivalent of sending children into the woods in hopes that they would be eaten by wolves. Seriously, does this bother anyone else?


3 Responses to “The Evil Escalators”

  1. Mom Says:

    Yes, the rest of that trip was fllled with vigorous exercise- avoiding child-eating escalators for the wonders of endless stairs.

  2. […] rode Splash Mountain, and got the poop scared out of me by the staircase room in the Haunted Mansion. Then my moment came. It was time to meet Mickey Mouse. We waited in line […]

  3. You feel about escalators the way I feel about super high seats in stadiums– they are meant for people who don’t recognize danger.

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