My name is Megan Elizabeth Katherine Victoria Jane Orlowski-Russell. The Russell I picked up when I got married, but the rest is on my birth certificate. I was born in a garage in Scottsdale, Arizona. My mother spent most of her labor in our tiny living room engaged in a vicious battle of wills. She refused to go lie down and actually give birth to me since she finally stood a chance of beating my grandfather in Trivial Pursuit and did not want to forfeit. When the game ended, she took two Ibuprofen and had me.
My mother, father, sister, the mid-wife, the mid-wife’s assistant, the mid-wife’s apprentice, and a few other relatives were there. It was quite a crowd, but at least someone remembered to take my very first headshot. Literally just the top of my head and… other things. We aren’t sure what time I was born. The mid-wife forgot to check the clock, but we do know it was between the end of Trivial Pursuit and the beginning of All My Children. My special memento from that day is an unusually deep belly button. The mid-wife let her apprentice cut my umbilical cord, and she snipped it a little too short. But I survived with the strange ability to fit and entire Reese’s wrapper into my belly button, cardboard and all. I tried it a few times as a child, which I learned was an excellent way to convince a classmate to give you their Reese’s cup.
My life had a very strange start, and not much has changed since. Whenever I try to tell someone a story from my life that seems completely normal to me, they look at me as though I may in fact be a pathological liar. But I assure you that everything in this blog is true. Truth is often stranger than fiction, and my life is beyond exaggeration.