I never liked my step-grandmother. And she never liked me, so at least we had a healthy understanding of our mutual dislike. She was never maternal to anyone in my family. There was never a warm sweater, good meal, or any idea that she would ever be the matriarch once my great-grandmother passed away. I feel like my entire relationship with her can be summed up with the story of one fateful Thanksgiving. (more…)
The Evil Stepmother November 19, 2014
When I was little, I always wondered why my grandmother hated me. Anytime we had a family event, she barely acknowledged my presence. She never hugged or anything. My childlike assumption was that she must be evil. And I assumed, much like Disney villains, it was nothing about me personally. I just stood in the way of her world domination. (more…)
The Beginning of the Bells November 17, 2014
Christmas is here! I know, I know. You’re probable all like, “It can’t be Christmas yet. We still have to do Thanksgiving. Give the turkey a chance before your move on to the fat red man and Jesus.”
But I want to start both now. I won’t get to do Thanksgiving this year. I have two shows that day. I also have two shows on Christmas. We didn’t get to really do Christmas last year since we had to drive from Pennsylvania on the 24th, 25th, and 26th of December to get to rehearsals in Arizona by the 27th. (more…)
Gobble Gobble Greed November 15, 2014
Here’s the thing. Don’t you love it when I start a post like that? It means I know some of you might get angry. I don’t like Black Friday shopping. And I don’t like Thanksgiving shopping. I’m not a big fan of crowds, or being cold, or getting pushed and yelled at by angry people.
Personally, I don’t really think it’s worth saving the little bit of money I would on buying the small presents I want, so I generally avoid the whole mess. I would have to have my husband post to you all, “Sorry. Megan was trampled to death while trying to save a few dollars buying How to Train Your Dragon 2.” (more…)
The Perfect Aunt November 12, 2014
I don’t get to see my adorable baby nephew as often as I would like. I don’t live near my sister, and my schedule is crazy. Besides constantly asking for pictures of his chubby little face, I have all these activities I want him to do. I mean, true, I won’t be there for them, but I can enjoy the benefits without any messy cleanup.
For example, I want to buy him tap shoes. I want to see videos of him scuffing up my sister’s perfect floors as he shuffles off to buffalo. Not that I want her floors ruined. I just think it is a worthy sacrifice for such a noble cause. And a ukulele. I want him to play the ukulele with his pudgy fingers that can’t quite figure out how to put the baby cheerios into his mouth with any precision as yet.
And art. I want baby art to paste onto the cast house fridge! Handprints and squiggles for everyone!!!!!! I’ve been told I can’t buy the tap shoes till he’s mastered walking. No ukulele till he’s three. But I actually managed to convince her to let my buy the baby organic crayons and paint. The sofa and walls may be doomed, but by George, this Aunt is going to get her fridge art. Score one for Aunt Megan!!!
The Fish Beffudlement November 8, 2014
When I was little, I wanted a fish. I wanted to name it and watch it swim and love it forever. So I asked my dad for a fish. He bought me a tank with a really cool bubbler, and I spent hours watching the bubbles rise. Bubbles are fascinating when you’re little. Or, if you’re me, when you’re an adult, too, but we won’t talk about that. (more…)
The Worst Audition Ever November 5, 2014
Well, poop on a stick, ya’ll. I think I just attended the worst audition ever. And please keep in mind, I don’t mean, “Wow, I’ve never done so poorly in my life.” I mean, “What in the name of Dionysus happened?”
The husband and I were auditioning for a really great company. Super reputable, employs lots of people, would be great to work for, all that good stuff. The audition announcement said to be prepared to sing a cappella. “Be prepared to sing a cappella” is an actor’s nightmare. I am not auditioning for American Idol. I am a professional. Is it too much to ask to have an accompanist at the audition? The piano players of the world could use the day of work. They have bills to pay, too, you know?
Anyway, I was prepared to go in and rock it out Broadway Idol style. But we got there, and instead, we were supposed to sing a song they had chosen. (more…)